Food Allergies Thanksgiving Story Revised


Could it be that food allergy issues changed the Thanksgiving Tale? Perhaps that is indeed the case. On December 11, 1620, a bunch of British dissidents stuck on an old rickety boat hit a big boulder on the beach in Plymouth, MA thereby changing the course of history. These weary travelers looked forward to the promising prospect of building a new life free of food allergy issues and digestive insensitivities in a new nation founded on the notion that no Brit should ever again suffer from six months of motion sickness, six-hour hangovers, and stomach discomfort courtesy of the local bakery.

First, they fled to Holland after hearing that a baker in Amsterdam had figured out how to substitute corn for wheat flour. Although it sedated their stomachs, the corn bread’s tart taste and powerful mix with spirited libations proved to be too much for the journeymen. Alas, they contacted their drinking buddies in London, and asked them to fund a voyage to the New World in search of non-allergic grains. The leader of the pub club recognized the merit in their quest, as he too had come close to croaking a few times on the complementary peanuts served at Fuller’s bar, and his cousin had lost 40 pounds in the last year forgoing his shellfish appetite

So they all packed into a small sailboat, whose menu included a complementary vegan and food allergy compliant diet, and headed out for the new world. Forty-six of the one hundred and two passengers on board died during the voyage from protein deficiency, their plight further exacerbated by a brutally cold first winter. While trekking through the snow, they encountered Native Americans who shared the same dietary restrictions, and consequently spent many a fortnight huddled with them around the campfire, feeding off bison and securing the next frontier to plant their most food allergy sensitive grains.